Jerry Bruckheimer bought my life rights (twice).
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Writing

 

writing

 

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#FACT: I CAME. I SAW. I CONQUERED. (... AND NOW I'VE HAD "THAT" LIFE EXPERIENCE)

I've been on a bunch of orgy email lists for a while, and one of them happened to have an event this past Saturday. (This was the same group as the first failed orgy. Read part one half way down the page and part two here.) I either needed to put up or shut up with orgies & have one, or move on. I took a deep breath as I responded with a photo (you have to be approved). 

You'll figure this out Friel, I thought to myself, you always do. 


#WTF: EVEN WHEN I DATE A CHICK, I STILL WIND UP BEING THE DUDE.

My brain went to the mechanics of the evening, and while I've had threesomes before, I was uh, on the receiving end. The shoe being on the other foot, and being the sexual equivalent of "the male" WTF would I be expected to do? The only way to control the uh, ultimate variable, is to pull the voyeur card (which I also happen to be)


#NERDSUNITE: AN ANALYSIS OF 103 #OKCUPID DATES IN 9 MONTHS

I wasn't interested in having dinner with everyone (dinner takes too long. I'm very efficient and very ADD - if I'm not feeling it, I will leave.), so I agreed to grab a beer with willing participants. Again though, I put a disclaimer on my profile indicating that I was in fact conducting a social experiment, and if they had a problem with potentially being written about, I was not the person they wanted to date. Bottom line, the dudes knew what they were getting into, and were pretty cool about it.


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14 MILLION VIEWERS ON THURSDAY, ON TNTML ON FRIDAY

Alrite, so Kaley Cuoco just appeared in a TNTML exclusive livestream today. Um yeah ... fucking epic. Here's the story on how it all went down ... 


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#OPERATION: FRIEL FINDS FELDMAN

What do you do, he asked? 

I work in tech, I said. Technically tech and TV as a hybrid, but tech is my passion.

I then went on to explain my new startup, and gave a brief resume rundown. 

That's incredible, he said. 

I'm here for someone who's supported my career for a decade, I admitted. She's a HUGE Corey Feldman fan so I wanted to talk to him about arranging a meet up. 

I'll definitely introduce you, he said. That's also really cool what you're doing. Those hardcore hardcore supporters are the ones that move mountains. 

I know, I said, and I could never in a million years forget that. I don't take for granted the fact that so many people have welcomed me into their social feeds. I take what I do very seriously. 


That time I danced on stage with Prince ... 

I am almost about to faint at that point. WAIT - the STAGE?!?!?!!? Like how close?!?! OMG!!! I grab Julie (aka the roomie) and say we HAVE to see how far this thing will get us.

We proceed to walk into the Forum, and everyone stops us. Sure we had our seat tickets, and the badge to be back in the club Forum area - but people were so perplexed by our bracelets. Gold?? One security guard said. No, to get to the floor you need red and white.

Now, I KNEW that guy was not BSing me. It was a gut reaction - that guy didn't want anyone to know we had those passes. Another security guard approaches - those are the family passes. Let them through.

FAMILY PASSES??!?!?!?! WE ARE GOING TO SIT IN PRINCE'S FAMILY AREA FOR THE SHOW?!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!


#FACT: 10 YEARS AGO I WAS PLACED ON A 5150 AND SPENT 48 HOURS UNDER PSYCHIATRIC EVALUATION

It was shortly after I started Talk Nerdy that I thought about the logistics of killing myself. Not the fantasy behind it, and the planning it all out ... but the day AFTER my funeral. The week after. The year after. When you're dead, you're dead! So why not take that bottom line, and create a new one of my own. Labels disintegrate when you die (daughter, sister, co-worker, friend), so why not start NOW with living life based upon my OWN expectations. I thought I "knew" myself, but what did that even mean? 


#PIC: 2/3/2012 THE DAY I TOUCHED JARED LETO

I became 12 again. I kept my composure of course, but thanks to my Droid Charge with a front facing 1.3 mp camera, I was also able to snap this piece of loverliness ... 


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#TrueStory: In 2007, I lost everything I owned in a massive cockroach infestation

My brain races - alright fine, I'll just pop on Craigslist, find a new studio. I'll have to get them to clean all of my things, but whatever, it can be done. ... and anything in this apartment cannot be removed. Wait, WHAT?!?! MY THINGS?!?!?!?!?!!?!??!!? YOU CAN'T TAKE MY THINGS?!?!?!?!?! Miss, they're already gone. When it comes to this type of an infestation roaches can get into any little crack or crevice and leave an egg sack. If you don't leave your things, this problem will follow you - it is my job to stop that. I am saying as a representative of the board of health, that you are not allowed to take anything from this apartment.


#OPENLETTER: DEAR GRANDMA AND GRANDPA, DUDES - YOU GUYS TOTALLY SUCKED

I looked up at the sky, as I open my mouth, but completely incapable of articulating a single word WHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! 
Tears ran down my face. I wasn't even sniffling- these were more involuntary expressions of anger that escaped my soul. 
I composed myself as best as I could as I was genuinely getting sick and tired of my parents continually feeling sorry for me. 
I blew out the candles, and excused myself from the table thanking my parents for the lovely birthday, but saying that I was tired - and should really rest up for school in the morning.


#Fact: My love don't cost a thing

I look down at the bag and it says David Yurman. 
No, I say. What's David Yurman? 
Has no guy ever bought you jewelry? 
Um, no. I'm one, not the biggest fan of it, and two, the only pieces I wear are all family pieces and mostly vintage or diamonds. 
I then pull the box out, and can't even open it. 
This is so cute, you've never heard of David Yurman and you don't even know how to open his boxes. (I feel like theres a joke in there.)
I then stare at him confused. At this point I don't know where this is going, but it's fucking AWKWARD


#REALDEAL: I GOT HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A BRICK

I don't know how long I was on the ground for, or how I even ended up there in the first place. The next thing I knew I could feel someone grab the back of my hoodie and pull me up. As my body was again involuntarily being moved, my producer brain kicked in and I realized holy shit something happened. I then grab with my left hand the playbills and the Star Wars nerd cup tumbler with my right hand. I didn't know where I was going or where I was being dragged to, but I KNEW I needed those two items for our stage show - so I'd have to figure the rest out later.


Lunch at the Pentagon 

It was funny as I was charging all of my nerd gear I wondered exactly how far I was going to be allowed to go with everything. See, being a lifecaster is not really a welcomed thing at a place like the Pentagon. My brother and I could very literally not be on further sides of the life spectrum.


#REALDEAL: ONE NIGHT IN VEGAS = ONE LIFETIME OF SHAME

This woman was truly, truly STUNNING. A woman THAT beautiful that is on your arm provides a sense of pride to a man. She carried herself beautifully, I mean everything about this woman SCREAMED class. A man would be PROUD to have her on his arm ... unless of course... he paid for her. 
I filed that away in my head as unconfirmed - but I just kept thinking over and over and over how weird this entire thing was. 
We then dined family style and I had octopus, oysters, and tuna tartar. 


#REALDEAL: HITCHHIKING WAS ONCE SAFER THAN MY UBER DRIVER

A few moments later the bathroom finally opened as the cute (poorly timed) guy asked for my number. 
Sure, I said thinking I'd be less hangry after a burger and a Buster in my bed. (Horseback riding on a hot day takes a lot out of you, I discovered.) 
He opened his phone and quickly realized he couldn't find the address book icon. 
Here I said without thought, grabbing his device. Two seconds into opening up his contacts he quickly grabs his phone back and said, "that tells me enough about your personality- I'm good." 


#REALDEAL: FIRST, WENT THE INTERNET ... THEN, WENT THE CLOTHING (UNRELATED I ALSO MET CASEY WILSON)

I STARED DOWN AT MY PHONE THINKING THERE IS SOMETHING CALLED COMPETITIVE/SPORT SEX?! WHERE DO I SIGN UP?! IS THERE A LEAGUE AND A LEADERBOARD?!?!


#FACT: THIS IS A STORY ABOUT LOVE, BUT IT IS NOT A LOVE STORY 

After a few weeks, he came back from the pool one day and said that we were going to have some visitors. Visitors? Oh peppermint patty. Alrite, I can deal ... a little weird I thought since it was a 1 bedroom apartment, and not exactly a spacious one. Where the hell are they going to sleep? The living room, he piped up! He got out this queen sized air mattress, and low and behold later that evening, there were 2 girls that started to live in the living room. He had told me that they were in town for a few weeks from England, and had been kicked out of their hotel room. He felt bad for them and wanted to take them in. It didn't help that both of these chicks were serious hotties. I mean - wow. Total Betties.


#TrueStory: In high school, I was stalked by 4 of my best friends

ALLLLLL this being said, there is a reason why I haven't been back to Connecticut in almost a decade. Yes, my parentals left the area as well like 5 years ago - but that's not the reason either. When I was 16, I was stalked by 4 of my former best friends. Well, 2 of them were my best friends - the other 2 were very good friends ... but I was the first person in Connecticut to get a restraining order in a non-sexual relationship. This was pre-mean girls, and pre-all of the cyber bullying laws that are just now coming into place. (It's all a matter of public record too. I was a minor at the time, so I might be Jane Doe - but I'm actually pretty certain if you sleuth around the net enough, you can prolly find some stuff on it.) 


#RealDeal: 600 days of public transportation (one nerdy girl's journey in LA public transit)

If someone is going to bother you on the city bus late at night it was only because you looked like a low hanging fruit. As a single female taking public transportation how could I NOT look like a low hanging fruit though?? 

To cause people to question my sobriety (and sometimes even my sexuality) I would take my long black hair, put it in a hair tie, grab a hoodie placing the hood on top of my head, and place sunglasses over my eyes. 

Immediately when people see someone wearing sunglasses they assume they are on drugs. Being on drugs creates a variable in a potential attack. What if I was on some super human shit and someone came at me and all of the sudden I superman-ed their ass into a wall? 


#BOSSBITCH: APPARENTLY BEING CRO MEANS YOU GET TO RIDE IN A $260,000 CAR

Shit, I said, I have to go! I HUGGED CHAIM, GHOSTING THE REST OF THE PARTY, AND AS I RAN OUT THE DOOR, I HEARD HIM SAY "JEN HAD TO RUN, HER LAMBORGHINI IS WAITING." 

I laughed as I continued to run down the ramp and up the stairs outside. 

Matt had texted that he would be on the Orange side (street right by Roosevelt), and as I waited by the sidewalk, I saw a lambo in the distance. 


#FACT: I NEVER WENT TO COLLEGE BUT YESTERDAY I GOT TO TEACH AT ONE

But how do I find my passion, one student asked?

I can't tell you that, I said. And no one else can! That was my mistake for 24 years - I kept searching for other people to tell me what to do, or what I should be doing with my life versus what I genuinely wanted to do. I had ZERO idea when I first started my website that I would be so passionate about it. In that moment of distraught and despair two years ago - it was just the only thing that felt good. It really was that easy, posting on a website just FELT really good! So, I kept doing it and kept doing it - eventually getting better with each post, and eventually finding my own voice. This was NOT an overnight process, I explained and it was NOT presented to me on a silver platter. The biggest decision of my life did not feel like a big decision at the time. I just had nothing else to lose, so I didn't give up.

He nods his head in understanding.
Can I get a hug, he asks?
I laugh - ABSOFREAKINGLUTELY!!!
More students approach ... again, asking the same thing.
I was thrown at how many times I kept getting that question. Student after student asking the same thinghow do you find your passion?


#Question: WTF is wrong with me? I just messaged my first love on Facebook

The hairdresser blowdried my hair, and I RACED home to tell my roomies what had happened. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!! This guy hit on me while I was getting my haircut! Look at the note he wrote me!!! He passed you a note? YES!!! In the MIDDLE of my haircut!!!  

I have to call him. I make a mad dash for my phone that had been charging next to my bed. I laid down on my twin bed (I had been sharing a room at the time), and attempted to calm myself down before dialing. You can't call him now, my roomie said. You've got to play it cool!

Me? Play it cool? I am incapable of playing anything cool, and one of the hottest guys I have ever seen just gave me his number. Do you REALLY think I am going to wait this one out?


#TrueStory: I spent 36 hours trimming pot in Northern California

Lindsay is super social, so she started talking to everyone ... I put in headphones and just drifted away to the sound of The Secret on audio book. (UGH! SO GOOD!!!)

It was weird, it took me about an hour before I fully caught on to how to trim properly (you have to cut off the crows feet which are like the little V stem things, and make the stems as tight as possible), but after a while I felt like Mr. Miyagi with a bonsai. It was SOOOOOOOOOOO relaxing, and I literally started to slip into this zen like state.

Trim, cut, bag. Trim, cut, bag. ::insert motivational quote from The Secret - We are like magnets - like attract like. You become AND attract what you think::
Trim, cut, bag. Trim, cut, bag. ::insert motivational quote from The Secret - We don't need to complicate all the "reasons" behind our emotions. It's much simpler than that. Two categories .. good feelings, bad feelings::
Trim, cut, bag. Trim, cut, bag. ::insert motivational quote from The Secret - Happy feelings will attract more happy circumstances::


#RealDeal: Hitchhiking on a private jet is easy like Sunday morning (or your mom) 

Yes, she said. We should film an adventure. 
Great! I said. I wanted to go to Vegas for my birthday which is next week. Want to head over there? 
Yes! She said, but we should hitchhike on a jet to get there. 
<tangent> Amber is insane. Like, I know that I'm obvi insane, but this chick is NEXT LEVEL nuts with the luxury, abundance, and gritty hustle she rocks. It's SO inspiring. She knows everyone, can get into anything, and has bigger balls than I do. </tangent> 

I have meetings all day Monday, I said. Can we make sure we are back no later than Sunday night? 
Oh, sure, she said. We'll be back in plenty of time for your meetings. 
I then checked my bank account to make sure I had enough cash to buy a last minute one way flight from anywhere in the country. 

See, we would get a ride TO a place, but getting back was not guaranteed. Now, I LIVVEEE for stories but something like this is SUPER stressful since you have ABSOLUTELY no idea where you are going to land or what is going to happen when you are there. 


#InLovingmemory: of the man that changed my life 

The words escaped my 11 year old mouth and I immediately froze up wondering if he was going to ask me "what my fallback career was" - he instead replied with, I already knew that about you. 

You're a star, Friel. I knew it the day you came into my class. You have this energy around you, and people are naturally drawn to you. 

Yeah, but I said, I don't have a lot of friends. 

But people respect you, he replied. And you're a leader. You'll figure out the friend part later - but for right now you need to keep leading and keep doing what you're doing. It will pay off one day, that much I am sure of. 

I then shined my mouth full of braces back at him as he high fived me and told me to go home and do my homework.


#TrueStory: I rode along in a Vegas cab for 2 hours during #CES

The cab driver slams it in reverse, and rolls down his window ... he goes, this is Vegas, you can't walk. I'll take you anywhere, free of charge, just please get in. 
It was now 4am, and one of the dudes in the room had a flight at 6am, so I knew I could at least gain access to the room then. I said, anywhere you'd suggest going to kill two hours?

He fully turned his body around, I swear I will never forget the look on his face, and says - wanna go for a ride?

Clearly understanding the sexual innuendo he was trying to convey, I smiled knowing all well he was inviting me for a ride along in his cab, not his cock. He leaned over and opened the passenger door up front, I grabbed my bag and crawled in. He said he had to first go and drop something off at his girlfriends house, and then we'd start going along on rides. He rounded the corner, put the car in park - and got out. I IMMEDIATELY grabbed my Droid, snapped this pic and sent it in a picture text to my friend with the following message:

"If I die, this is the man that killed me. If I live, I will have the greatest story ever."


Flying Cross Country with Billy Gibbons of ZZ  Top

During the "Unapologetically Awesome Spring/ Summer 2010 Tour" (aka the year I couch surfed), Billy happened to sit down next to me in a Houston airport. When you see ZZ Top as a pair, you go, hey! that's ZZ Top! I only saw a weird looking dude with a beard talking about Belize. I asked him what he recommended seeing/ doing (should my travels take me there). The rest was history, and I still have his business card. It reads "Friend of Eric Clapton."


#WTF: About last night can I get a rundown? (threesome with Mr. and Mrs. Smith)

Things quickly progressed from the dance floor to my tonsils. I actually got to have what I believe was my first all girl three way kiss. 

::checked off of bucket list:: 

Then the dancer pulled me aside and we sat down on top of this booth to rest her feet. 

We started talking for a minute or two - about what, I have no idea.


Fun with #OkCupid: Congratulations, I've been on over 103 dates, but you were the first to make me cry

His next question catches me off guard.

Are you attracted to me?

Wait, what? I thought!

You don't think I'm attracted to you?? I say sincerely confused.

You're not flirting back.

What do you MEAN I'm not flirting back?

I'm teasing you with stupid things, and you take them all as matter of fact.


#NerdsUnite: A full circle moment

I over think everything. That is my personality - I'm a connector, and I'm a mechanic. I enjoy connecting people (hence our official hashtag #nerdsunite), and I enjoy breaking situations down to figure out how they work, and how they can be more efficient. I can't do that when it comes to dudes. I can't sit there at a bar and analyze a dudes personality and think okay, this is how he is with this ... this is how I am with that ... you have to just let this shit happen, man. But you can't say that to someone like me, because I'll sit there and go, bahhhhhhhhhhh you don't know what you're talking about. No, I need to take a dose of my own medicine and re-evaluate because clearly what I am doing is not the most efficient manner.

Lesson learned.


#RealDeal: 50 shades of Friel (a lesson in becoming a DIY dominatrix)

I then walked up the massive hill up to his house and texted him that I was here.

As I stared out at the city view I wondered if this was going to begin immediately and if he was going to answer the door in a hood and chaps.

Breathe Friel ... breathe ... you can do this ...

I hear the door open as I take off my headphones.

I see my friend standing in plain clothes.

WHEWWW! I thought as he hugged me and told me it was good to see me.

I walked into the mansion ... the house was SO FREAKING BEAUTIFUL!!!

He guides me back into the bedroom as he closes the door.


#Fact: This is a story about death. If it freaks you out, keep scrolling

Both of my parents shot me this look of, does she really know what she's getting herself into? Who wants to stay in an assisted living home?

You have to understand one thing about me as a kid ... I was very, very, very, strong-willed. If I said I was going to do something, no matter what - I did it, always, 100% of the time. I might not have known what an "assisted living" home was, but I knew I loved Auntie and wherever she was going, I was going to go too.


#TrueStory: I lost my virginity in a cheap motel to a boy I met in a pool hall 

Either way, a couple days go by, then his screen name pops up on my buddy list. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG … he's online. Is he going to message me? Am I going to message him? My screen name was Perfect80sgirl, but sometimes people misspelled it, or put an O for the zero, he seemed smart - I don't think he'd do that, but what if my handwriting wasn't clear, I do have very messy handwriting, hence why I type … I click his screen name … ::sound of keyboard keys:: h-i-y-a

Hiya works. Sexy, and inviting without being come over here baby. K … ::click enter:: 

The blue font shows up with the word, yo. 


#NerdsUnite: Getting over shame one post at a time (An amends to myself)

To this day, I have never pressed charges. I'm ashamed to admit that, but this mother fucker was SO old even then - and I've BEEN through the legal system with the stalkers (get to those in a second) ... it's exhausting. The worst part about being stalked wasn't the actual stalking, but rather having to go through not only the criminal side of it all, but the civil as well. It's messed up, and there is no justice in our justice system - only laws. 

It's my word against his. My mom wasn't in the room, nor my brother - so you have my pre-teen self, and my mom's "bad feeling" on why we never went back. It's a joke, and there's no fucking way emotionally I can go through anything like that. 

I know what he did was wrong, yes I was violated - what am I going to do now, throw a parade? Beg for an apology? 


#ThatAwkwardMomentWhen: You attend a regular party dressed in a costume & are greeted by 3 guys you dated.

We then headed over to dinner in our costumes and wound up at a super fancy pants place called Izaka-ya which is actually just a few doors down from Goal. 

When we walked in the ENTTIIRREEEE restaurant stopped and stared. 

I mean how often do you see a lion, a centurion, and a chick dressed as Hugh Hefner with a leprechaun hat on walk into a restaurant? This is like Halleys comet and the zombie apocalypse happening in the same week!!! EPIC MOMENT OF EPICNESS!! 

The guys and I then start talking, and the conversation quickly turns to sex. 

Not in a overly titillated manner, but educational. We were all inquiring out each other's dating and sex lives in a frank and candid manner.

I then notice two familiar faces walk into the restaurant ... it's Emma Roberts and Chord Overstreet from Glee. 


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#TrueStory: I once worked at a strip club 

You're hired, he says.

GREAT, I say with joy.

First though, you have to pass the test with the girls.

The girls?

Yes, the strippers. If they like you, then I will keep you. If they don't then I'm sorry.

He asks me to come back tomorrow to start training.

You won't regret this, I say.

Well, let's see what the girls think - he muttered. 

I get back to the apartment and don't even tell a single soul what I am doing. As is, my friends were ENTIRELY convinced that being a cam girl at an internet start up meant I did porn - this was going to set it over the top. big time.


#YayLife: Yesterday I met @pameladanderson, here's how it happened! 

Me: DAD!! YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE WHO I AM GOING TO MEET TOMORROW??

Dad: Who, daughter? 

Me: PAM FREAKING ANDERSON!!! 

Dad: Daughter, why are you meeting Pam Anderson? 

Me: She has a new website or something launching, and I guess they wanted the social media kids to talk about it. 

Dad: I don't want to know about you being involved with Pam Anderson and anything online, daughter. 

Me: Dad! This is like the greatest thing ever!! 

Dad: Keep your clothing on. 


#RealDeal: What it's like sleeping in an airport

This is one of my favorite things about couch surfing - every where I go do I not only have a place to stay, but people to kick it with. Traveling by yourself can be a pretty lonely thing, but by not staying isolated in a hotel and very literally THROWING myself at people and the world I have some pretty rad experiences. I never ever ever would have known to go to this club, or met any of those people otherwise. 

It was pretty cool too, man - a few of the people there had independently discovered the site, and shit like that makes my life. I'm really really really genuinely appreciative of everyone that reads us, and really proud of this community, so hearing it IRL to my face just WARMS. MY. SOUL!!! 

Well that, and alcohol which I grabbed a solo for as we walked out the door. 


#NerdsUnite: My first adult heartbreak

Hi, I'm Noah, he says. 

Hi ... I'm ...  speechless. 

Oh, I mean, Jen! Quit being dorky Friel. 

Amanda approached the BBQ area from the house, Jen, Mark is here. 

Who? I say looking at Noah. 

Mark ... your uh, friend, Mark? 

Right! One second I say as I sashay out the door thinking please stare at my ass ... please stare at my ass ... PLEASE.STARE.AT.THE.ASS. 

I look back, he is looking ... 

SCORE! Yes! He's staring at the ass!!!! 


#RealDeal: Last year I was drugged at a bar, here's what the experience was actually like

Seconds later he hands both me and my new girlfriend a shot.

Bottoms up, he said as we all cheersed.

I then put the shot glass to my mouth as I felt the whiskey burn my throat.

That is my absolute last memory of the evening.

I very vaguely remember putting my purse (which is a messenger bag) around me at some point seconds later - but I went from being barely buzzed (TWO BEERS in like THREE HOURS) to waking up on my bathroom floor in a pool of my own vomit and hearing my roommate (who I had just moved in with a few weeks prior) saying she had to go to work and asking if I was okay in the bathroom.

I remember those first few seconds of consciousness and being INCREDIBLY confused how I got back here. I'm not even kidding you, my last memory was around EIGHT PM ON TUESDAY and it is now SEVEN AM ON WEDNESDAY!!!


#Fact: I was "catfished" before catfishing was a thing

We had gotten into a fight one night regarding an ex of mine. It got so heated, and I was so frustrated, that I said - FINE! I'm getting in the car, I'll be there in 7 hours. It was midnight ... I drove through the night to his town of Tempe, AZ. Literally ... me ... my dog Rocky ... in my beetle convertible ... drove 7 hours in the middle of the desert with a 2 liter of Diet Pepsi MAX. Hey, I am one passionate chick. If I say I am going to do something, it gets done.

He never saw me. He claimed he was just "mad" at me, but I went to the only google listing for the company that he claimed to work for, and they said there was no one by that name there. I had his address from google, and from the return address on a package he sent me - but I felt going to his apartment was too much. I pulled into a Dennys, and struck up a conversation with one of the locals, and had breakfast. I called him over, and over, and over, and his phone was turned off. I licked my wounds, and drove all the way back to LA.


#WTF: Ever write a post about your first love and then have them cast you in a commercial a few weeks later? ME TOO! 

I stayed super quiet all day on set. Like all all day. I didn't want to leave, again, I was happy to be able to help - but I just couldn't take it emotionally. And he was AMAZING too, he kept checking in on me - asking if I was okay, if I needed anything - it's like STOP SPEAKING YOURE GOING TO MAKE ME CRYYY!!!!

Once we wrapped lunch, I asked if it was cool that I take off - he thanked me and walked me out.

This must have been weird for you, huh?

You have no idea, I said.

I walked the mile back to my bus stop where I proceeded to cry for the next hour and half. It's great though that if you're going to have a crying session to just do it right there on the bus. We're all such insular beings - no one really cares, and frankly I was dressing a little hoochie so anyone that might have thought, hey baby, lemme go talk to her - was prolly too scared after seeing the mascara running down my cheeks.